Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Chapter 1: Flubsome Chronicles - Secret Plan for Demise of Public Education

Using secret decoder rings from our daughter's Lucky Charms cereal boxes, the super bloggers have deciphered a top secret document that reveals a heretofore unrevealed plan for the demise of public education. Using a top secret mole we can only reveal as "The Leprechaun," we have unearthed secret documents from the musty archives of the Flubsome Institute. For those unfamilar with such things, the Flubsome Institute closely resembles the Hudson Institute, where many current administration officials were formally employed.

After blowing off the cereal dust, our secret decoder rings revealed what once were merely mysterious hieroglyphics but now take on special meaning to us all:

Top Secret Plan for Taking the "Public" out of Education
authors: unknown
Stop all construction projects:
By eliminating all projects that build and support the infrastructure of public schools, we can stop any patrons who say common sense things like, "We supported this building project, we passed a remonstrance project by a majority of local taxpayers, and we paid for EVERY STINKIN PENNY of it with local dollars and not a penny of support from the we want to see it used." The first step to eliminating public schools is to stop investment in the infrastructure.
Move ISTEP testing to the spring:
By moving ISTEP testing to the spring, we can stop any patrons who say common sense things like, "Indiana schools have made great progress. Why don't we step back, stay out of the way for a little while and see if they can sustain the progress made possible by the bipartisan efforts of previous legislators." We must sever any connection that can reveal past progress so that we can't be blamed for actually stopping it ourselves. We must do this even if it takes millions of additional dollars to create a new test during a severe budget crisis.
Pass legislation that takes money from schools who fail AYP
By taking money from public schools and sending it to charter schools we can further erode their stranglehold on progress. Further more if we pass this now, while AYP is easier to obtain, we can really capitalize when every school in America is failing. By 2013-2014 every child in America will be on grade level or your school is failing. Then ALL the money can go to a charter school I guess. Think I'm kidding? Click on this link.
Pass legislation that requires public schools to bus private school students
By cutting transportation state support and requiring additional student transportation we can further tax the budgets and blur the line between public and private service. Let's all sing now, ....ready? "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round........" (Thanks to Jeff - you know who you are.)
END of page one of document. Whoops our secret decoder rings have run out of invisible ink decoder fluid. We will return in future days with more top secret revelations.
Chapter 2 of Flubsome Chronicles will be published after replenishing our decoder supply. (Insert scary music here...)


At Friday, February 25, 2005, Anonymous Pick said...

Ladies and gentlemen - I LOVE THE SATIRE!!! (It is satire, isn't it???) Keep up the good work!


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