Friday, February 18, 2005

Chapter 2: The Flubsome Chronicles

Our secret decoder rings suitably replenished, our tongues tucked firmly in cheek, our crackpot, I mean topnotch team of super bloggers continues the arduous task of deciphering the strange hieroglyphics discovered on the dusty pages of the mysterious documents smuggled from the archives of the Flubsome Institute. Our regular readers will remember that the Flubsome Institute closely resembles the Hudson Institute where current political leaders were gainfully employed.

Page Two

The Plan for Taking the Public out of Public Education
Blur all lines between public and private organizations.
Initiate voucher legislation. Click here for current bill. By providing vouchers this will allow public money to flow to private organizations.
Create diversion with multiple pieces of legislation.
At first we will have to hide behind the state's budget problems to create diversions. By passing multiple pieces of legislation (Click here to search for education bills), many aimed at sending public money to private groups, some of these ideas are likely to slip through during all the chaos. Eventually of course with so many splinter groups advocating for the funds we will eventually run the state's deficits to record levels like we did in Washington from 2001-2003. But, for the short term, educators will be focused on whining about how much they are losing under the current budget cuts.
Another promising aspect of this plan is to allow the money to go from a "failing" school to a school "succeeding" under AYP. This way we can be fairly sure that private schools will succeed. As long as most private schools are able to attract parents concerned about their child's education, it is a safer bet that they will succeed over the public schools that take every type of student imaginable.
Ice the donut.
Make sure that no matter what, the growing schools around the donut of ring of Indianapolis get more money. These suburban growing schools are where the "shakers and movers" live so we have to take care of them. Reluctantly we will have to provide money to the urban markets because they have some severe needs. But fortunately we can take the money from rural Hoosiers. They are mostly quiet farm folk mixed among the rural poor and no one will notice except the school folks that those rural students are already at the bottom of every finanacial ranking there is. To make sure that this is ok with them, or at least to distract them so they don't notice, we will drive around in an RV, wear flannel shirts and eat tenderloins at their picnics.
Chapter 3........to continue
(Insert scary music here....)
Remember to smile. A tongue-in-cheek, friendly jab now and then never hurt anyone. Have a good weekend.

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