Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Indiana Introduces New Smoking and Gambling Curriculum

The Indianapolis Star reports that Indiana is exploring new cigarette taxes and gambling taxes as a source of revenue.

Shortly after this announcement, The Super Bloggers intercepted a draft copy of a Press Release that shows the governor's Education Policy Advisor is right on top of things when it comes to education.

PRESS RELEASE: Embargoed until April 1, 2005

Indiana Introduces New Smoking and Gambling Curriculum

David Shame, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniel's Education Policy Advisor, has announced the creation of a new smoking program called S.N.A.R.E. (Smoking Nonstop and Rarely Exhaling). This new smoking program will replace the outdated D.A.R.E. program in fifth grade.

Shame added, "We think we will need as many smokers as we can get to fund not only the Colts new football stadium, but some of our other needs as well. Part of our agenda will be to incorporate the Smoking Nonstop and Rarely Exhaling (SNARE) program into each fifth grade classroom so as to insure a steady flow of revenue for our programs. Phillip Morris has donated the materials and we intend to prefund it with the tobacco settlement money. We even have the mascot picked out. The DARE Bear named Darren, will be replaced by the SNARE Cowboy. It is a replica of the Marlboro man with an oxygen tank on his back. Kids will love it. Totally rad!"

Shame also announced the new 12-step gambling curriculum for high schoolers, called Gambling Unanimous. The program will be headed up by none other, than Art Schlichter. The purpose of the program will be to supply a steady stream of gamblers to the casinos to ensure a funding stream for needed programs.

Shame added, "We're betting that this will put us in the elite category of states who have developed bad funding sources for good programs. Our motto is, "We throw BAD money after GOOD."

After hearing about the new curriculum, puritan High School English teacher, Ms. Ima Strictwon, stated, "I guess encouraging gambling and smoking will just bring a new dimension to my unit on Syn tax."


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