Thursday, April 21, 2005

2015

PRESS RELEASE: November 20, 2015


In 2015, Indiana's newly seated Governor, Ms. Ima Reel Liberal, started her first day in office by signing a record number of execution orders (Whoops..I mean executive orders). The previous record for execution orders was held by former Godfather Governor Mitch Daniels.

Execution Order #1: Reverses Daniels order barring state employees from unionizing. Requires unionization of all state employees under AFL/CIO and all non-union members to pay their "fair-share" of union dues or they will be shot.

Execution Order #2: Requires the establishment of an Office of Inspector General Cluseau to look into allegations of waste and fraud in the state's executive branch. Wait..Godfather Mitch already ordered that one. At least Inspector Cluseau will know where to look now.

Execution Order#3: Terminates all further legislation on daylight savings time. Forever. Or until next session, whichever comes first. Hoosiers have enough trouble telling time. (Every Superintendent has actually heard this one....."What time does the bus come on a two-hour delay?")

Execution Order#4: Puts a 120 day moratorium on all construction projects except multi-billion dollar projects for professional football teams. Whoops...wait..Don Daniels already ordered that one too.

Execution Order #5: Terminates all government committees, task forces and study groups. Whoops .. Mitch ordered that one too.

Execution Order #6: Replaces the governor's rectangular desk with a small, individual, round table.

Execution Order #7: Requires all decisions in the state to be made by the governor's round table.

Execution Order #8: Requires all pencils to be used until the lead reaches the little metal band holding the eraser together. Godfather Mitch pretty much required this in his earlier days. No kidding!

Execution Order #9: Requires all the state's trains to run on time, just like Germany before WWII.

End of Executive orders

Governor Liberal appeared excited about her first official acts as Governor.

She stated, "I am looking forward to building on what Governor Daniels established. He pretty much set the standard for consolidating power in the state house and creating a cult of efficiency. This sets the stage for our regime and sets a precedent for us to follow. Mitch was more of a Napolean Blown-a-part, but I am more of a Stalinist to tell you the truth."

4 Comments:

At Thursday, April 21, 2005, Blogger EdWonk said...

Now we know the public execution orders, but have you been able to learn the hidden protocols?? And will you share them with us when you do? ;)

 
At Thursday, April 21, 2005, Blogger Indiana Public School Superintendent said...

Edwonk:

Ve haff our vays of finding out.

Ve can deescover thees protocols and vill post dem ven we do.

 
At Friday, April 22, 2005, Blogger EdWonk said...

Aghhhh! They are everywhere! ;)

 
At Friday, April 22, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is Mitch growing a moustache??

 

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