Thursday, April 07, 2005

National Voucher Institute announces new accounting firm

(We've had so many new readers lately - I feel the need to restate the obvious - this is satire :-)

Kofi Annan has announced that he is putting the finishing touches on top appointments in the newly formed National Voucher Institute. The Voucher Institute is a new promotional group formed in anticipation of newly opened education markets. Voucher proponents from the business world see the education market as one of the untapped markets yet to experience the euphoric highs and lows of life in the business world.

As one proponent said, "Thar's gold in them thar shills!"

In previous weeks the following appointments have been announced:

Kofi Annan will head up the voucher initiative with a program titled, "Snake-oil for Vouchers" modeled after the highly successful "oil-for food" program. Annan predicts that voucher programs will help poor Americans the way it did poverty-stricken individuals in the middle east.

Martha Stewart will head up the Home School Curriculum Division. She began her promotion by offering free electronic ankle bracelets to the first 10,000 home school customers.

Ward Churchill was chosen to head the Research Design team. Based on his stellar academic research record, the voucher and charter school supporters hope he can bring the same creativity and talent to the table in helping to combat the emerging research on charter school performance.

Rounding out the top appointments to the Voucher Initiative, Kofi Annan announced his selection of Arthur Anderson as the accounting firm. The Arthur Anderson accounting firm was chosen because of their specialty in document shredding and creative accounting during the Enron scandal.

Stated Annan, "We all know that public school accounting by the State Board of Accounts is unusually thorough and and particularly time-consuming. Not very efficient. With Anderson's experience in document shredding and creative accounting, we hope to capitalize by not only becoming more efficient, but raiding the retirement accounts and stealing the pension funds of employees whenever possible. Then we will declare bankruptcy like Conseco Corporation and all the top officers will take the money and run. Whoops I probably said too much. This is off the record right?"

Annan quickly recovered, and indicated there was at least one more appointment that would be made in the next few days. He added, "The National Voucher Initiative will be ready to begin a state-by-state campaign within the month."

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