Friday, April 22, 2005

The Rotten to the Core .40 Curriculum

Indiana Governor Mitch "The Godfather" Daniels has announced this week that his chief educational policy enforcers intend to roll out their new rigorous high school curriculum for Indiana in 2006.

Mitch Daniels was recently quoted in the Indianapolis Star as revealing, "the best business textbook I ever read was The Godfather." The Star was unable to confirm whether or not the Governor has actually read any other book.

Returning from the National Governor's Conference and Mafia convention, the "Don" announced that Indiana's high school curriculum needs to become more challenging. Quickly moving to the front of the line of all the other lemmings, the Governor raced off the cliff to be the first to announce a new rigorous high school curriculum modeled after his favorite business "textbook."

The Godfather's chief educational policy enforcer, Don David Shame reported, "Starting in 2006, Indiana's high schoolers will have to pass the new and improved "Rotten to the Core .40 Curriculum." Replacing the former Core 40 academic curriculum, the new "Rotten to the Core .40" curriculum is patterned after the "school of hard knocks" philosophy."

Shame distributed information outlining some of the proposed courses.

Rotten to the Core .40 Courses

Modern Bootlegging: How to make pharmaceuticals work for you
12 Uses for the Baseball Bat: It won't earn you a letter in baseball, but it will make you a better swinger
12 Uses for the Carving Knife: It's not exactly Home Economics, and I wouldn't eat what you cook, but it will make you a real cut-up.
Meth Lab 101: It's not exactly the FFA but you will learn to use the same ingredients
The Art and Science of Equestrian Amputation: You will learn to use your head, or at least their heads, to get ahead
Rolling the Dice: How to stop gambling on your gambling profit
Nepotism: How to hire your cousin Guido and keep it in the family
Strong Arming the Opposition (or your own political party for that matter): It won't earn you a letter in wrestling, but you'll still learn to take 'em down

Shame stated, "We are real excited about the new curriculum opportunities. We believe this will be a real step-up for Indiana's high schoolers. Since there are always a handful of them that aspire to be gang-bangers, they might as well learn to do it right."

He added, "This should meet the needs of NCLB (No Corruption Left Behind) and keep the feds and Margaret Smellings off our back."

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