Tuesday, November 15, 2005

No Child's Behind Left

PRESS RELEASE

President Bush's top education advisor, Margaret Smellings, announced today that President Bush was rolling out a new education plan closely modeled after Vice President Dick Cheney's new torture policy.

Smellings stated, "For a long time we have been advocating that Vice Principals be given broader authority over handling detainees awaiting discipline in the office. Even to the point of torture with wooden instruments."

Smellings indicated the new program would be called, "No Child's Behind Left."

The plan will overturn state laws that have previously limited the use of corporal punishment and will give Vice Principals one more tool in the torturous task of determining who did what to whom and when did they do it?

Smellings sniffed, "If torture is good enough for the Vice President and the CIA it should be good enough for the Vice Principal and the CYA."

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