Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Congress to consider new sanctions for failing schools under NCLB?

The Supers' Blog has discovered that new sanctions are being proposed for failing schools under NCLB.

Margaret Misspellings, the federal spokesperson for NCLB, stated,"We believe that this proposal is the next logical step for America's public schools. We serve students breakfast lunch and dinner and some are still hungry. We provide after school programs for latch-key students and counseling services and nursing services for the sick and confused . We provide physical activities and extra curriculars and they still can't get 100% to hit federal weight goals. We teach them abstinence, and they still have sex. We teach them to use protection and some still get pregnant. We teach them to drive cars and they still have accidents. We teach them to cook a basic meal with the food groups and they still go to McDonalds and order the large combo with extra fries. We try to teach them how to get along with each other and how to handle a conflict without hurting each other and some still scrap and squabble."

She sighed, "We just don't go far enough. So we are proposing legislation that would require all school board members and school employees to legally adopt all children who fail to meet proficiency on their state exams."

She continued, "Of course we wouldn't consider 100% to be a reasonable standard in most circumstances of life, but Language and Math are different. We finally have come to the conclusion failing schools who fall short of perfection might as well be required to adopt them."

Starting in 2010, all failing schools will be required to implement a lottery-based system that requires every failing student to be legally adopted by school employees.

Misspellings added, "At least the new parents will receive a federal voucher to send their failing children to a different school."

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