Friday, March 11, 2005

Teenagers, TV, Media, and Multi-tasking

The Kaiser Family Foundation has released a new study on 8-18 year-olds and their use of media. It is worth a look. This link will give you the story in colorful bar graphs.

I suppose there are more TV's per home than there are toilets. This means there is more crap going into the home than there is going out.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Governor Now Opposes Colts' Stadium

In a stunning reversal, the Governor of Indiana has announced that his administration now opposes the construction of the new Colts' stadium.

Governor Mitch Daniels explained his conversion, "Well, it has been a terrible burden on my conscience ever since my state-of-the-state address. During my speech I got a standing ovation for saying....Instruction is more important than construction. "

He continued, "I have been consumed with guilt ever since. We knew all along that we were planning to raise taxes for a new football stadium and at the same time cut funds to hundreds of school districts. I realized that continuing to support the Colts' stadium may give people the impression that Construction is actually more important than Instruction. We just can't afford to be viewed as hypocrites."

The Governor then referred all further questions to the new Indiana Superintendent for Public Entertainment, Mrs. Peg My Funmeter, Mrs. Funmeter, formerly an actuary with the actuarial firm, Yawn & Knapp, clarified the Governor's new position, "We just couldn't see spending hard earned tax money on professional football entertainers who consistently "lag behind" the New England Patriots. To be consistent, the Governor's official position must remain, " if you aren't number one, then you are lagging behind."

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

ISTA Donates 350 Teachers to Keep Peyton in Indy

Recognizing the Indiana Legislature's position on raising taxes for important reasons only, the Indiana State Teacher's Association (ISTA) has stepped up to the plate and finally agreed to sacrifice 350 teacher positions and 7,000 kids, in order to keep Peyton Manning in Indiana. This, in combination with tax increases to other Hoosier patrons, may help keep the rest of the Colts in Indy as well.

An ISTA spokesman stated, "We figure 350 teachers at the bottom of the scale, with all health benefits, is $40,000. Since 350 X 40,000 = 14 million, we figure this will save $14,000,000.00 dollars a year. This should be about right for one really good quarterback who almost went to the Super Bowl once. At least we can do our part to follow the lead of government officials and try to keep the Colts in Indy. It has been very trying but we have finally accepted the fact that the legislature only considers tax increases for important things."

He explained, "We recognize that the Indiana Legislature has set it's priorities out for the public to see and we realize how important it is to Indiana to keep the Colts in Indianapolis and the Irsays "in the money." Football is very important to our culture and way of life. It will also be of increasing importance to those that have lost their jobs due to layoffs. They can still watch football if they have electricity."

He added, "The only thing that bothers us is that the Colts payroll went from $54,183,800 in 2000 to $74,998,224 in 2003. This is a 38% increase in personnel costs. We hope at some point that they will be "fully funded." This pales in comparison to the increases in education, but we realize that we must do our part to help the Blue Nation."

A spokesperson in the governor's office stated, "We used to think the ISTA was just a collective bargaining group concerned with teacher wages and the welfare of children. But it is nice to know that under that tough exterior beats a true heart of compassion for the things that many of our legislator's value."

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Press Conference: "My Dog Has Fleas"

The Super Bloggers have just discovered that later this week, government officials intend to finally unveil their business model for America's system of public education.

Anonymous sources have agreed to give us a sneak peek at America's future business model for education.

Our government sources explained, "We have studied many of the most successful businesses in over the last few years, and one of the businesses that has impressed us the most, is the Shipshewanna Flea Market in the heart of Amish country. There is no cumbersome oversight, no bureaucracy, no overhead and no need for excessive rules and regulations. It is very efficient. Plus, you can find some really neat leather belts and belt buckles there, as well as pink flamingos and certain hard-to-find ceramic pottery items. We especially like the black velvet paintings of Elvis. Another value-added benefit is the fact that the responsibility is left to the consumer. No need for government oversight - it's every buyer for himself. For example, I had to look hard to find the high quality paintings on black velvet. Especially the ones of Elvis in the white jumpsuits. They're my favorites. Since I found them first - they're mine - all mine."

"We believe that this rich tapestry of colorful private and public schools, freed from bloated bureaucracy, and set against the backdrop of parental choice and fueled by vouchers," will lead us into a new era of public school choice," said the government.

"Besides," he added, "We agree with a lot of folks on this one, we don't need good schools everywhere, we only need them where my children go. If I find them first, then they are mine - all mine."

On the condition that their names be withheld, sources reported that since it is a "dog-eat-dog business model," the press conference would open with the song, "My Dog Has Fleas."